Back to the start!

It's been about four and a half months of no Tracy. I went through some big changes, moved into a new apartment, started walking the 30 minutes home from work or my best friend's apartment as often as possible, somehow managed to lose about 15 lbs. Got a three-month gym membership, went once and realized that if I have to commute to do my workout, it's not going to get done. ("Staying home is the new going out in fitness," right?)

Last night, I was talking to my roommate about Tracy and she wanted to try it, so this afternoon, we threw our yoga mats down and did the MS for Level 1...

All of my love/hate came roaring back. I sweat so much that the hair at the nape of my neck was wet, my face was dripping, and I LOVED IT. I loved doing these moves that I had missed. I loved realizing that my body is stronger than I think. I loved waking up muscles that I had forgotten about, remembering the changes that I saw in my body when I started. I loved seeing my roommate struggling - okay, I know that sounds like an awful thing to say, but what I mean is that it reminded me of my own struggle when I first started, and it showed me that I HAVE come a way from where I was, and that I'll continue to move forward.

But I hated (in a love way) the torture of the workout, the knowledge that each level is going to get progressively harder - even though I look forward to it, suddenly.

I'd really like to start running, but I'll have to start small since I don't have the endurance to do much and I know my feet and legs always hurt a lot because my ankles overpronate and I don't have good shoes.

So I think my goal will be to do Tracy's MS 2-3x a week working up to 5-6x a week, and to start jogging (maybe with the Couch to 5K app) for 20-30 minutes 2-3x a week. I want to start small and build from there because I want to set myself up for success.

And now, to go catch up on all of your lovely blogs!

(I'll try to get measurements done soon, so I can have a point of reference for this new journey!)

Level 4, day 1.

This week has been crazy for me at work, I've been working a lot of 9-hour shifts when I'm used to working maybe 4 hours, so it's made it pretty difficult to find time to work out - I don't know how everyone else does it!

I started level 4 today - I did arms without weights, since it was my first day, and I found that abs on the floor were relatively easy compared to last level's. The leg section was fantastic, I actually managed around 15 reps for almost every exercise, except the second one where she has you in a plank moving from one side of the mat to the other - I HATE planks, my upper body strength sucks, so I only managed maybe 5 of those, hahaha. I'd like to get up to at least half of the reps Tracy does this level - so when she does 40, I want to get up to 20, and when she does 30, I'll do 15. Of course, I'll continue to work my way up to the full 40, but my short-term goal for the next couple of workouts is to manage at least half.

I also rediscovered my Run 5k app, and I'm going to start doing that for cardio, because I remember how much I loved jogging when I was doing it last summer. The app says to do it 3 times a week, and I am also going to modify my MS goal to a MINIMUM of 3-4 times a week; 5-6 times a week will still be the ideal, but I want to be doing at least 3 MS workouts a week. I also won't necessarily do my MS and cardio together every time, I might do MS one day and a run the next, because I feel like 30-minute workouts are way more manageable for me, especially when I'm working longer shifts - I'll push myself to get up early and do 30 minutes of either. I think that by giving myself more realistic goals, it'll help me work up to where I want to be.

Level 3, days 9 & 10 and measurements.

So I finished level 3 in 28 days - I think that's the longest it's ever taken me, but I do have to factor in a week or two's worth of mental breakdown. Blech. As much as I liked level 3, I feel like it was one of the hardest ones to get through after the first half, because I got hit with a total lack of motivation and so much overwhelming anxiety in my personal life, I don't think I did a single day of cardio, and the past two weeks I ate pretty much nothing but crap.

However, level 3 somehow also managed to still sculpt my body in little ways, like seeing my little arm muscles, and feeling my butt lift and tighten, and starting to see, when I sit or stand a certain way, a line of muscle along my outer thigh (!!!).

Measurements, day 30:

weight: 199.4 lbs (-1 lbs)

bust (cup): 40" (-1")

bust (band):  33" (no change)

arm (L): 12" (no change)

arm (R): 12.5" (no change)

waist (smallest part): 31" (no change)

stomach (belly button): 38" (-2")

hips: 43" (-1")

thigh (L): 23" (no change)

thigh (R): 23" (no change)

bikini (L):  27.5" (-.5")

bikini (R):  28.5" (-.5")

calf (L): 15" (-.5")

calf (R): 15" (-.5")

I'm a little anxious about level 4, since I've heard it's a rough one - I haven't previewed it yet, but I also haven't ruled out the possibility of redoing level 3 for another 5 or 10 days, since it did take me so long. We'll see how I feel when I watch level 4, I guess.

I also really want to commit to doing 30 minutes of cardio at least 5-6 times a week, and I know I need to clean up my act where food is concerned - the past two weeks have been nothing but a long binge, and it just feels gross. I'm nowhere near where I thought I would be when I started level 1; I haven't made any significant progress, and I want to change that.

It turns out my mental state is the hardest thing to change, but I feel confident that once I get myself on the right track there, all the physical stuff will follow.

Level 3, day 8.

I don't know how it happened, but it seems that another six days flew by between my last workout and today. I feel like I've hit a roadblock, like I just don't want to do it anymore. Which isn't entirely accurate, because I do still love my Tracy. I guess it's just one of those slumps, maybe after getting past thirty days of workouts, where I'm feeling like, ugh, why do I even do this. It's a mental problem and I plan on fighting through it, because I know why I do it - I feel it in the way my muscles have woken up, in the burn after a particularly tough workout, in the feeling of accomplishment when I can say I did my Tracy today.

So I just wanted to give some signs of life and let everyone know I'm still out here. I have to leave for work in a few minutes, but I plan on catching up on everyone's blogs this week - hopefully that'll help kickstart my missing motivation!

Level 3, day 7.

I don't know how it happened, but I ended up taking 6 days off from Tracy - SIX days! There was a lot of stuff happening in my personal life, a lot of stress and anxiety, and after a total meltdown yesterday, today I was finally able to pick myself back up and start again.

I know that Tracy says we should be working out 5-6 days a week, but I wonder if maybe I should scale back a little and try to aim for a minimum of 3-4 days a week. Of course, 5-6 would be better, but a part of me feels like maybe that psychs me out, maybe it would be more manageable for me to start with 3-4 days a week and work my way up. I don't know. I've been thinking a lot about how I want to choose to work out because I WANT to, not because I have to. And I do love Tracy's MS, but I don't always want to do it all the time. I guess I just have to find a balance between pushing myself to do it when it will do me some good, without losing motivation because I feel like I'm being forced to do something I don't wanna.

Today's MS was definitely tough - I dropped back down to 10-15 reps of each move, as usual when I haven't worked out for a few days in a row. And I didn't get any cardio in, because it SNOWED (yuck!). But I do feel a little better just being back on the right track.

Level 3, day 6.

We're continuing on with our streak of gorgeous weather, so today was another day for a long walk - I ended up taking the walk before I did my MS, so I was already good and sweaty when I got home. My love for level 3 seems to have diminished, perhaps even disappeared entirely, because today was hella hard to get through, but I did it. I'm not sure I'll be able to get my workout done tomorrow, since I'm working a longer shift, but I'll at least try for a walk, probably in the evening when it's a little cooler because my poor dog was panting like crazy in the hot sun today. Fortunately, I have an itty bitty 4-hour shift on Friday, and the day off on Saturday, so they should be good workout days.

I made the mistake of weighing myself today, which was a huge reminder that the scale is the worst measure of progress for me. I've been noticing the changes in my body - yesterday I noticed a dent in my thigh when I move a certain way, like the line of a muscle, and today I even noticed that I'm starting to get a dent on the side of my butt. I've been feeling a lot better about myself; I even cut myself a pair of jean shorts because I wore holes in the inner thighs of my jeans, hahaha, and I wear them out to walk with black leggings underneath, but weighing myself throws me back into a place of feeling so bad about myself. I kind of wish I hadn't bought a scale to begin with, because even though I keep my scale in the bottom drawer of my dresser, it's far too easy to just whip it out every once in a while.

Level 3, days 4 & 5.

Just checking in: I did day 4 on Thursday, and then had a rest day on Friday, which was great because I was working a 10-hour shift for a product launch at my store - but my rest day turned into two rest days, and then three rest days, because my weekend was so busy and on top of that, I actually got sent home early on Saturday because I was having such terrible cramps. Okay, so it was only 15 minutes early, but still! I ended up going to the pharmacy to buy more Aleve, which was what the last pharmacist had recommended, but since it wasn't helping much, I asked the pharmacist at this store if she had anything stronger and she sold me another painkiller (with codeine!) and told me to combine them at the first sign of pain.

The pharmacist told me that often, we try to wait out the pain, but that I should actually nip it in the bud when it first starts. It kind of made me think of how I handle emotional pain - how, often, I'll torture myself with it - and I'm kind of starting to consider if there are better ways of dealing with my feelings, ways that are kinder and gentler for me. One of the books that's been floating around my environment for months now is Byron Katie's "Loving What Is," and I'm thinking that maybe when I get paid later this week, I'll pick it up and see how it can help me. Have any of you read it?

This weekend was gorrrgeous, weather-wise - it was like we skipped spring and went straight to summer. I started taking my dog out for 40-minute walks along the bike path, and I let her off the leash when there aren't too many people around so she can run and tire herself out. That's what we did this morning, and when I got home, I got back to my Tracy, even though I didn't really want to. I had a lot of trouble with standing abs today, because my stomach kind of hurt and I felt uncomfortable, but the rest of the MS went pretty well. I can't believe I'm already at the halfway mark, though! And that in five more days, I'll be finished the first DVD.

One thing I've noticed is that this past week, it feels like my thighs have gotten a lot more muscular, which I'm loving. Sometimes, if I'm walking up the stairs at work or something, I'll put my hand on my thigh or give it a squeeze to feel how hard it is, hahaha. I may not be losing much weight, if any, since I haven't been focused on food or cardio, but I can definitely still see small changes in my body and I'm excited to follow that progress.